A bhakt’s beef

Chaudhary

A facebook satirist

‘My intention was not to hurt the feelings of anyone. If unwittingly, someone is hurt by my words, I’m willing to say sorry.’

I hope this is not misunderstood to mean that I care after inflicting injury or that I have said sorry. To hell with your secularism.

Look here, it’s like this. There were Muslims who didn’t allow leaders of the national movement to sing Vande Matram. Imagine? Mother India was in chains. Some Bunkum in Bengal was pained and wrote a patriotic song. The revolutionaries made the title of that song, Vande Matram, their main slogan.

Courtesy: Youth ki awaaz
Courtesy: Youth ki awaaz
But some Muslim leaders did not like this patriotic slogan and song. Why? They did not want to call this land their mother. What would they call it? These fellows, whose forefathers came from the barren sand dunes of Arabia, deserve jail.

Worse was to still come. The leaders of the national movement knelt before these Muslims. Prayed to them and beseeched them. But, you know Muslims, they have no mercy. Just two years before Independence, our leader Savarkar was on fast, with Bhagat Singh, to declare India the motherland of all. No one listened to them. And that old Gandhi, some ancestor of Rahul Gandhi, committed treason. He agreed that no one will hurt the feelings of Muslims by singing Vande Matram. So, we adopted some other national song.

Then, come to our Yoga. Everyone says it’s good for the body and soul. Shyama Prasad Mukherjee, our leader from Gujarat, was in love with it. He taught it to Modiji in school. Modiji taught it to me. You know we both ate out of the same plate as Pracharaks of RSS. I told Modiji (hope no one else is listening), ‘Let’s prove the worth of our salt to Mother India by exporting Indian culture. Yoga should be used to re-conquer the glory of India.’

Jointly, we approached United Nations. They wouldn’t listen. We said, ‘Excuse me, you are talking to the leader of the most important country of the world in 500 Common Era.’ Then, they understood our rich heritage. Monkey of UN agreed to call 21st June, 2015 the first Yoga Day. We were delighted on getting the world on our knees. I know the soul of Sardar Patel will bless Modiji. We hope after Bose comes over-ground, he will lead the Yoga celebration next year.

But, then again, Muslims. These people said we can’t do Surya Namaskar because it’s not allowed in our religion. They believe in one God only and their forefathers never worshiped the sun. Come on, brothers from the ravines of Afghanistan and the desert of Iran, your religion is not going to take you far. Worse, it is a grindstone around the Indian neck.

Now, let’s come to the main topic. Beef. Eating it is not allowed in my religion. It never was and, till we are in power, it will never be. This Lalu Prasad, who also calls himself a Yadav, dared to say cows were slayed and even Rishis ate beef in ancient Bihar. I think he’s mad or not a true Yadav. In fact he has so much hair jutting out of his ear that we joke he could be bear in human skin!

Anyway, in Haryana or Punjab, we love the cow. For us, the cow is holy and precious. So, we rear buffaloes for milk and generally like vegetarian food. But, here yet again, Muslims have a problem.

The Muslims can eat goats and chicken for meat. But, no. They want to eat beef. Now, you don’t call my India your motherland and do not take pride in Yoga. I don’t like it. But if you want to eat beef, my blood boils.

In the RSS, we have not sacrificed all our lives to tolerate such nonsense. We are not Congress. We have not won a historic mandate to be dictated by anti-national and fanatical Muslims. They have to respect my religion and our national feelings. They must stop eating beef to stay here in India.

Or else, they may go away. They can even take that Lalu Prasad with them as bonus. Good riddance!