On India’s Hungry Old Man’s Birthday: Thode Din Gujarat Mein

Pankaj K. Chaudhary

One fine morning, India’s angry young man woke up and found himself transformed into hungry old man, burdened by a non performing asset that his son was. Contemplating  his body, looking at his son, thinking about the financial mess he was in, he decided to turn everything on its head including his conscience and reduced himself to money making machine…who can sell anything and anybody. Since then, he is not making anything, he has just been turning rumors into truth. He tasted the first blood when he decided to endorse and act in Kaun Banega Karoroati..Such is his charisma that every Middle Class Indian agrees that it has been a greatest poverty alleviation programme that India has ever seen. But his critics remain sceptical. Some are even angry that how can a celebrated actors like him endorse vibrant Gujarat.

In order to separate the allegations from the truth, our correspondent talked to him on the occasion of his 73rd birthday.
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Patrakar: Hi Big B, happy birth day to you. Wish you many more years.

Big B: I am touched…am overwhelmed by your wonderful wishes…you are a wonderful person…and a wonderful friend of mine.

Patrakar: Thank you…but Mr Big B people allege that you had sold your conscience by endorsing Vibrant Gujarat. Is this true?

Big B: I am surprised that such baseless allegation was levelled against me. Don’t you think it was a great nation building exercise. By being a part of this, I did a great service to the nation. If great winds of changes blowing across the nation,  than credit should also go to me. And mind you, I did not make money off this project, rather I lost so many opportunities.

Patrakar: Could you explain how you have lost opportunities to make more money?

Big B: Ever since I endorsed Vibrant Gujarat, national and international offers started coming my way. Several offers came from the US. The US government wanted to promote Vibrant Guantanamo Bay detention camp. They also wanted me to promote Vibrant Drone Attacks. From Syria, offers came from both sides. President Assad wanted me to endorse Vibrant Tyranny while ISIS requested me to promote Vibrant Violence. These were good offers, and I would have served humankind a great deal. But I refused these offers, and decided instead to focus on India.

Patrakar: But your critics are not very much enthused, rather they accuse you of being a man who can run with Gulam Ali Hare and hunt with Abhijit Hound.

Big B: People who are saying this are wonderful friends of mine. This is the best compliment I have received. You know, I am even capable of running with Holy Cow and Hunting with beef eaters..There could me many variants of this, and the great patriot Amit Shah ji wants me to work on all these nation building projects.

Patrakar: Could you please tell us about these projects.

Big B: There are many projects, prominent among them are Vibrant Land Acquisition, Vibrant Farmers Suicide, Vibrant Displacement, Vibrant Inflation, Vibrant Mob etc.

Patrakar: Thanks for this interview and wish you many vibrant successes.